yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
