Christians are straight up FREAKS
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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