is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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