I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
