whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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