i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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