You're completely useless in the revolution.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
