I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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