well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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