My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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