when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
