I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
