I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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