Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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