I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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