I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
