Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
