put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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