When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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