i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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