we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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