shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
