i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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