so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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