I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
