guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
