Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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