just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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