remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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