we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
