yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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