do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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