he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
