Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
