70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
