it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
