ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
