No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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