you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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