I am spending my child support on dildos
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
