i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize