My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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