WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The beer is more important than you right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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