This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
false alarm, still single
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
