There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
