I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
