Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
