you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
