How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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