It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize