My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
