No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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