We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
