they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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