I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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