my vag is so smooth its legendary
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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