It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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