i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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