??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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