He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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