Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
