Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
