My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
