When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
