I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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