i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize