Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize