HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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