yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
